Suicide!

Good, I got your attention.

In light of today, world suicide prevention day (according to IASP), I just wanted to take some time to talk about a topic that is sometimes difficult to talk about. From my own experiences I know that suicide can be an extremely difficult topic to tackle and an even more difficult one to deal with. As most of you know I am a psychology major and for me mental health awareness is an issue that is close to my heart. As I was crawling along on the 91 during our lovely So-Cal rush hour I was thinking about my own story and my newfound views on the mental health industry, especially therapy.

I was never really a fan of therapy, and still wouldn’t call myself a “fan,” but I would say that I have come to appreciate it and what it is fighting for. The stigmas around mental illness, in all cultures and sub cultures, are truly shameful. As Americans we talk a lot about freedom of this and that but for the most part what we really mean is freedom within our normality’s. Freedom to be and act “normal.” In order to live in society you have to act like society.

This semester I started an internship at a state hospital and have learned a ton about mental health and myself. What I have seen so far ranges from major depression to schizophrenia and I am sure I still haven’t seen the worst of it, but I have learned a whole lot. “Crazy” people aren’t “crazy,” they’re sick! Not with a cold or cancer, but just as life alerting as either of those can be. Some people will never be able to get better (this has been very hard to witness) and some people can take some medicine and they’re good to go. However, that’s not really the problem.

The problem is in the way we treat this sickness. If our friend has a cold we tell them to drink fluids and get rest but when a friend says they’re depressed or anxious, often times, we don’t know what to say. It’s not our fault that we react like this though. To a certain extent it may be but we were never educated on the topic of mental illness. No one ever told us about depression, anxiety, or agoraphobia and suicide as a result of many mental illnesses was rarely, if at all, talked about. Sure it may have been in an assembly or two, maybe it was an announcement at school today, maybe you saw someone with a ribbon tied on their wrist or pinned to their shirt, but our education systems are not education. The people that know the most are the people going through it and that really shouldn’t be the case, because for they most part they won’t say a word. They will break eye contact and look at the ground in hopes that the gut-wrenching feeling will go away when their secret comes up. We don’t want anyone knowing that we’re “sick” and we get terrified if anyone even gets close to figuring it out.

Who are we to make others feel this way? We all are sufferers! We are all facing different demons and are all dealing with them differently, but worst of all most of us are facing it alone, or at least that’s how we feel/think. If you don’t take anything from this post at least take this: you’re not alone. I know it’s cliché and believe me when I say I hate what I’m about to say. It gets better and in time you’ll get through it. It wont be quick and it sure as hell wont be easy, and more likely then not you’ll never be at the same level as you were before you’re mental illness. That said, it doesn’t mean you can never get back to a place where you are happy, calm, and safe. I wish someone had told me this a few years back because I wouldn’t have wasted so much time trying to get back to where I was.

Lastly I just want to add that we, as a society, need to work on destroying this stigma surrounding mental illness. Illness is illness! Whether it is physical or mental illness. We shouldn’t ignore one while coddling the other. Just like physical illness mental illness takes time to heal, takes patience from others and ourselves, and most importantly requires nurturing from others and ourselves. Suicide is not a first response! It’s a desperate act, a last resort for some one that is feeling so emotionally overwhelmed that they can’t even think clearly. No one that is willingly about to take their own life is in their right mind, and there are signs to notice when someone is getting sick. Just like coughing and sneezing foreshadow a cold, isolation and lack of energy foreshadow depression. Suicide is 100% preventable! Educate yourself, know the signs, and talk to your friends and family. Together we will start to break the stigma surrounding mental illness.

Suicide helpline: 1(800)  273-8255

New Start, No Promises

            For the past few weeks I’ve been contemplating restarting this blog thing. These thoughts come most often during my breaks because I usually find myself bored out of my mind and I need some kind of outlet. I first started this blog to connect more with God. I found that the only way I was really good at that was by studying the bible, and I mean study like taking notes, highlighting, etc. I’m sure you can get some type of idea of how I was reading by my earlier posts on Romans. I assume you’ve also noticed that it’s been a while since I’ve last posted. Well, there’s a pretty good reason for it and a few not so good reasons. Warning: the rest of this post is going to be very self focused, so stop now if you don’t want to read me talking about me. You’ve been warned.
            Basically for the last year, maybe a little more than a year, I haven’t really been “feeling” Gods presence. I’m not really sure when the falling out started or even why for that matter, and I still don’t. What I do know though is that I didn’t give up. One of my very wise youth leaders once told me that even when he didn’t feel God or when he didn’t really want to be around God he still went to church and interacted with his Christian community, so that’s exactly what I did. I kept going to Sunday mornings, doing bible studies, and hanging out with my “church friends” which are just my normal friends (that’s what partially kept me at the church). Eventually I just became too fake at church so I started stepping down from my roles like leadership, book clubs, and bible studies. This is when I really started questioning my faith.  
            We started a college group in February of 2014 and that started many things. Some really cool friendships started to sprout and my involvement in the church was once again a reality. What didn’t start though was the rekindling of my relationship with God. This past year has been quite a roller coaster of faith, or rather the lack there of. However, more recently I’ve been trying to reflect on why I am a Christian, why I believe in God, and what I should be doing/how I should be acting if I truly identify as a Christian. This process has really been the equivalent of trying to do something you know very little about. Like maybe you know the basics of it but doing it on your own is way harder than you thought it’d be. Thankfully I never really had to be alone. This is both a blessing and a curse though, because when your friends have faith it is easy to feel like you have faith too but it’s not always your own. Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in it all and you forget that this relationship is solely between you and God, that’s the one that matters, that’s the one that holds your faith.
            An old friend once told me that I needed to be careful as a psychology major because she had seen a lot of them walk away from their faith. At first I disagreed with her but then I started learning some things and I started having questions, then doubts. I don’t know if it was just self fulfilling prophecy and because I had heard it before I thought it was happening but at some point I started to believe that God, Christianity, the bible was all just a made up story, simply a figment of our vast intellect. It was hard to come to terms with even thinking these things.
            I know it’s not a horrible thing to question your faith, the church, or even God but I felt like I was seriously losing my faith, and my relationship with God was already kind of sandy (that was a bad joke, just in case you missed it). So this kind of brings us to where I am now. I’m working on rekindling that fire. I know it might not burn the same and it will probably take a while to get it started, but in the end I hope it will burn brighter than it did before, that’s the goal. I know I’m not going to stop questioning things, that’s not the point. I just want to be okay with questioning them, okay meaning that if I hit a roadblock my faith will be able to withstand it and not crumble. This seems like an abstract idea to me right now but I think I can get somewhere close to that goal.
            I feel like a lot of people my age (and not so much my age) have struggled with faith in the same way I am. Many of us have walked away from the church in an attempt to acquire freedom or independence. I don’t’ think it’s so much that we “gave up on our faith” as we just couldn’t really find a reason to stay. Does that make sense? Not even that we are getting something for our end of the bargain but that there’s no spiritual pull. Maybe it’s us, maybe it’s the messages and we just don’t resonate, or maybe it’s just a time of change. What comforts me though is knowing that I can question it all and it doesn’t matter how long I’m gone trying to “figure out life” He will always be there waiting for me to run back to Him. That doesn’t mean I should just go out and do what ever the hell I feel like though! To me it means trying to figure out why you want to call yourself a Christian.
 On that note, that’s what this blog is going to become: a place to try and figure out why. To ask those questions that rattle our faith and to use the answers we find to strengthen it. I’m not going to make a commitment to this thing, but I’m going to try to use it more (but who knows it could take me another six months to post) and most of these will be much shorter.
 Thanks for reading friends

Chelsea Zerwekh!

I am so excited to start this monthly thing, and am proud to introduce you to a wonderful woman I have had the opportunity to get to know (just a little). Enjoy her story and go check her out.

Hello there! I’m Chelsea and I blog over at Hobby HoppingHousewife. Shannon recently shared with me that she wanted to start having people guest blog and share their testimonies. And I’m so excited because she asked me to be the first one! (Actually, she asked me a while ago… but I had to figure out the right version of I wanted to go with. I mean, we all have a short version and a long version and the really long one. Hahha. I needed a blog version and it pretty much starts, continues and ends with my husband.)

I met Justin way back in high school (by way back I mean like seven years ago! Ieesh!) through a friend that he was dating. He was a Christian, uber honest and quite the hopeless romantic. Like watched way too many sappy movies of what girls think a guy should be like and then times that by ten. Don’t get me wrong, that’s really great and all, but he was doing it for the wrong girl. Little did I know I would be the right one (six years laterish)!

High school came and went and so did they people we dated… and then we found each other on facebook! Shortly after that (shortly meaning like a day) I went to Verizon to get something fixed or whatever and they deleted all my contacts! It was terrible! So when I got home I sent a message out to my friend friends (ya know, the non-acquaintances, the people I was actually friends with) and Justin saying that “I lost my numbers, please send me yours.” Little did Justin know that I was fishing for his number and that he was the only one that I sent the message to that I didn’t already previously have. Best part, he took the bait! He texted me later on that day and we went on our last first date that we’d ever have.

So anyways, I didn’t grow up in a religious home. My dad claimed he was a Christian and my mom a Catholic. They supposedly couldn’t agree on what to raise us as, so they did neither. Which is whatever. Going into the relationship with Justin, I knew he was a Christian, but I wasn’t because I didn’t “need the help” and could “do it all on my own.” I also knew this would be an eventual problem for us because I knew he’d only marry a women who had accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior.

The further into our relationship I started to see that Justin’s faith was growing and his walk getting stronger. That he would have these things called convictions and the more his faith grew, the better man he was becoming. And as I saw all these incredibly good things in his life that God was supposedly doing for him, the more it made me rethink and question what I believe.

I remember he told me one night, “the thing that makes me the most sad is that if something were to happen to us and we died, I wouldn’t get to see you in Heaven.” Oh man did that bring tears to my eyes! And that’s when I really started to rethink things.

He eventually asked me to come to church with him. I loved him so much and I knew how much he wanted me to know God and how important it was to him, so I went. And kept going. And then one day a friend of ours asked if I wanted to do the media slides during worship because no one else was and that it wasn’t that hard. I said yes because Justin was doing sound and we would get to do it together so that meant more time spent with him. And to spend more time with Jus meant going to church more, and hearing the word of God more.

And then Justin sat me down one day. And I knew it was coming. He told me that he loved me more than I could possibly know, but he couldn’t marry me. That he would wait forever, but he had made a promise to God that he wouldn’t do it unless I gave myself to Christ. And I remember wanting to cry so badly when he said that. I wanted to tell him that I wanted it for me too, I just didn’t know how. But instead, I just sat there. I could see how much it pained him to say that to me. To tell me that he loved me, but he loved God even more.

That all really gave me the kick in the butt I needed. I had a meeting with the pastor because I didn’t know why I just couldn’t let go and let God. And then I found myself praying sometimes. And so I texted Justin that.  And he asked if we could pray after he got off work, and we did.

Through Justin I got to see God’s love, His light and hear His word. I am so blessed.

Love,

Chels

Romans 11, With A Twist

Hello Friends.  Lets just ignore the fact that I skipped posting last week.

My excuse: classes started.  Even though I only have 4 this semester they are kicking my butt.  For any of you that care, I am taking Statistics (again -_-), Sign Language 2, Cultural Geography, and Ceramics.  I have class everyday! I did this on purpose though because I n  Yes, I am lazy and unmotivated, but I am also a wonderful planner because I am forcing myself to wake up at 7:30 and get going! Yea!

eed something to do to get me out of bed.

That’s enough about me though, let us talk about Jesus!

Romans 11 is worded slightly weird.  There are certain things that Paul says that are just worded backwards and kind make God out to be somewhat of a favorites kind of guy.  He’s not.  I mean, He has His covenant with the Jews and all, but just to be clear right off the bat, God doesn’t have favorites.

There is only one part of this chapter that I really, genuinely loved.

Verses 16 – 23

16 If the first piece of dough is holy, the lump is also; and if the root is holy, the branches are too. 17 But if some of the branches were broken off, and you, being a wild olive, were grafted in among them and became partaker with them of the rich root of the olive tree, 18 do not be arrogant toward the branches; but if you are arrogant, remember that it is not you who supports the root, but the root supports you. 19 You will say then, “Branches were broken off so that I might be grafted in.” 20 Quite right, they were broken off for their unbelief, but you stand by your faith. Do not be conceited, but fear; 21 for if God did not spare the natural branches, He will not spare you, either. 22 Behold then the kindness and severity of God; to those who fell, severity, but to you, God’s kindness, if you continue in His kindness; otherwise you also will be cut off. 23 And they also, if they do not continue in their unbelief, will be grafted in, for God is able to graft them in again.

            Here Paul was talking to the Christians. He is warning them not to feel superior because God rejected some Jews. Abraham’s faith is like the root of a productive tree, and the Jewish people are the tree’s natural branches. Because of faithlessness, the Jews were the broken branches. Gentile believers have been grafted into the tree like a wild olive shoot. Both Jews and Gentiles share the tree’s nourishment based on faith in God; neither can rest on heritage or culture for salvation. This is from my footnotes.

            What I loved about this was how it talked about getting your roots right, and how none of us are saved just because we have Christian parents, churches, friends, anything! We have to own our faith! We need to make it our own, and we all deserve to do this. Take up your cross and follow Him. Let your roots be steadfast in Him. Build your house upon the rock!  It’s all throughout the bible. A constant reminder that it our roots are not in God we cannot bare good fruit, we can’t be a light to others, we will not have a relationship with Christ, and we cannot own out own faith. It is that Hardcore!

            Think of these roots as your heart, or better yet, your brain (I am sick of people acting like the heart does all the work). If your brain did not connect to the rest of your body, you wouldn’t be able to function. This is also a kind of cool analogy because neurons kind of look like trees, haha.  Anyway! Brain equals roots! We need to set our mind on God in order for our bodies to function properly.  Without Him our brains can’t function and we will not have roots to our body. Is this making sense? We would be body dead. Unable to act or control anything that happens to us and unless our minds (our roots) are strong enough we will become the devils puppet. 

Do you get it? Unless our minds are strong enough we will become the devils puppet!

Think about that this week and here is your challenge: make your roots stronger this week! Build upon the rock, take up your cross, you can do it.

Have a beautiful week! Love you!

Song of the week:

The Best Is Yet To Come

By: Stacy Kent

Because it is a wonderful song and she has a beautiful voice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5zWotTNXoM

Romans 10

WooHoo! Still keeping on schedule!

Also, I have an awesome little announcement. I am going to start doing testimonies of people that have an impactful story, so everyone! I will be doing one a month starting in February.  Chelsea Zerwehk  I am really excited for this little segment and hope if reaches the readers (you) in a different way than the previous post have been.

will be the first to share.

If you guys ever have any ideas or request feel free to share them with me.  Also, if you wish to share your testimony on the blog let me know, because I would be more than happy to ‘publish’ your story.

Anyways…on with Romans 10!

I didn’t really get interested in this chapter until about verse 9 when Paul explains to us what we need to do in order to be saved; “if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe with your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.”  I think my favorite thing about this is that there is no guessing.  We don’t have to try and figure out what we need to do to be saved, we are told, straight up.  It’s not living a sin-free life, or giving all our money away, or being a pastor.  Nope, it’s simply believing and having faith, which when you kind of think about it, isn’t a huge task to ask of us.  Countinuing off of verse 9, I also really verses 10 – 13:

“For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame." For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile--the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."”

I love how verse 10 breaks it down, kind of, and tells us what we get from believing and living with God, righteousness and salvation. That’s a pretty good trade-off, but this also means that we can’t only believe.  We must confess with our mouth, actions, and hearts that we have faith in God.  It says in Matthew 10:33 “if you deny me before man I will deny you before my father.”  I feel that that verse is one that gets overlooked a lot and isn’t really recognized for its harsh truth.  As Christians we hear these verses all the time and they begin to lose their sting, but I want to encourage you to look at the word in a new light because it’s important that we still take these verse seriously and that we are still convicted by them.

The next little bit that stuck out to me was verse 17: “So faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ.”  What jumped out at me in this verse was hearing, we learn and grow by hearing and listening.  Think about it…how did you find out about God? From someone telling you, right?  Whether it was the church, a friend, a parents, etc. but someone one in your life told you about the Christian faith, and that’s why you’re here now.  The seed has to be planted for a relationship to grown, and for some people in your life you may be the only one willing and able to plant that seed, so I encourage you to keep an eye out for opportunities to share and if and when that opportunity presents itself to you, don’t pass it up.

Lastly I want us to notice verse 21: “But as for Israel He says, “All the day long I have stretched out my hands to a disobedient and obstinate people.’”

I like that this verse reminds us to not always think that the people in the church are always the most spiritual.  Sometimes they are the ones that are most blind, and sometimes it takes a “non-believer” or a new Christian to open there eyes a bit.  So just a little reminder, don’t be afraid to ask questions or challenge what someone else says, because maybe they really need the eye opener.

I am back at school coming this Monday, so I hope I am able to stay on schedule.  I have a lot to write about.  God has been working wonderfully in my life this past month, and I thank him everyday for it.  I have been pushed out of my comfort zone so many times this month, and I can’t wait to see what He has in store for me in this coming year.  Alright, I am done talking about me (for now).

Have a wonderful week friends!